A bottom end of town satire translation by Stephen Gripes from the Book of Alf, called “A little known version of history…spiritual not academic” ‘Cause academia read too many of their own books, funny books…you know, with no missing punctuation gizmo’s & spelling mistakes in them. So this is a special colloquial translation with spelling mistakes & missing gizmo’s for my friends in the bottom end of town and to lighten things up in the top end of town. If this does not do the trick, then take a trip to the Dentist and have a dose of laughing gas and re-read it, but not in the chair. You might end up minus a few teeth and a whopping big bill instead, like I did. And no, I’m not signing up with anyone. Least of all Hollydude & Co; they are in deep you know what with God. Along with days-of-our-rotten-product-created lives from the good ole U.S. of A. for upsetting Upstairs afternoon tea break and picture show treats. Plus, driving the primordial gods to the booze. With their commercial television programs, products, promo’s, bling, self-congrats and awards for their primordial concentrated gifts in the human being, that everyone goes potty over & worships.

Anyways, I’ve also found the missing ancient manuscripts from the book “The Celestine Potholes”. You know, the manuscsripts that got lost in South America, or was it India? Anyways, it was addressed to J. Redsfields to translate, but I don’t know him…I’ve never met him, although I have read his book about ‘The Celestine Potholes’. Anyways, the Newspapers, Boobs @ Abs Magazine and other Comic Books would not publish my translation, ‘cause I’m not famous with my boobs and abs. The Commercial Television stations don’t want a bar of it, ‘cause it aint got no products in it. The BBC said to send it to the ABC for spelling corrections & syntax first, The Guverment said I’ve gotta become a Politician before they will read it and Science don’t understand it the way I’ve written it –neither do I. So the best place for it is on the Garbo-net…sorry, I mean the Internet. So if someone out there that understands my translations…and can read my rotten bottom end of town writing & spelling, then please let me know.

p.s. Don’t know whether it’s important or not, but there’s something really weirdo at the bottom of this ancient manuscript, it says (i times d) plus the square root of (m) plus (LN times CM) equals H this-way-Albert”. Must be something to do with Albert Stein –or was it Joe Stein? Maybe it was Eff Stein, anyway some Stein –have included it in case it helps Academia and Hollywood…not forgetting the Pentagon either, as they know everyfing what is going on in the world first from the late night show on the commercial television. Plus, it says what’s faster than the speed of light?…the speed of thought of course…and that’s really weirdo. `Cause every one knows that the speed of light is the fastest thing in the Universe. At least that’s what it says in all the funny science books that I pinched, sorry, I mean borrowed from the library. You know, E equals MC squared or somefing, not T equals PP squared to infinity, like what Alfiewhatsitallabout says in his articles. Anyways, youse got the brains, so work it out and post me back the answer…so I can get some sleep.

p.p.s. There’s a load more here –manuscripts that is. So I’ll go a paste a few up on some notice-boards down town, just to keep the ‘speed of thought’ ball rolling while youse sort it all out (and my ‘orrible spelling) and I can translate the rest of the manuscripts into good English and good American…for the Pentagon. Plus, the one I’m on at the moment don’t make sense at all –so I’ll have to go and see the ‘Boss’ about it on the way –after my tea break that is.
Signed the thinker…you know, that unemployed Greek bloke on the dole?
Counter signed concerned Citizen…no, confused citizen Stephen son of Alf @

Right here we go…
Once upon a time long long ago, during the ‘golden age’ of the ancient world and before money, politicians, celebrities and Hollybug were invented and things went to pot, mankind once lived in harmony with Nature, the animals and themselves…hard to believe eh? So too, a special ceremony was always performed at the equinoxes, i.e. the four seasons junction points. A spiritual ceremony to acknowledge the divinity of the Laws of Nature, that structure and evolve everything in Creation and create order out of chaos in life. In addition, when the females of Royal lineage of the rulers of those days…who were very nice people by the way –not like in Hollynud and Co, became fertile and ready for motherhood, it was considered an honour to seek the initial act of copulation from the deities…this is where it gets interesting.

Q:Who were the deities?
A: They were the physical manifestation of the Gods of Heaven.
Q: Wow! so how did they get here then? `Cause this ain’t heaven, except for all the Media created winners living it up in the top end of town You know, that live in the television & movies, newspapers and I-love-me glossy magazines full of saturated products, boobs & abs and skinny fashion models on a catwalk trip to product la la land.
A: Well they didn’t get here in space ships, flying saucers, teacups or the pen of science fiction writers on Prozac –sorry about that, I couldn’t resist it.

No, they manifested through the spiritual workings of the divinity of the Laws of Nature. Spiritual laws that were in total harmony with a human being…but not all human beings, but evolved spiritual human beings. Who had reached the age of 21 and were functioning out of their spiritual bodies as well as their physical one’s. Anyways, in this sacrifice of a Maidens virtue and innocence for pro-creational purposes and not rec-creational purposes? like on T.V. and in Hollydude movies and in human worshiping boobs, bottoms and whatnots glossy product magazines, harmony was said to result within all the quantum located spiritual planes of Creation that underwrite our physical seen world that we live in.

Yes, almighty Nature was very much pleased to be honoured with such dignity of her divine procreation gifts to the human being. Thus that human respect and its harmonious karmic influence structured not only conception, but also positively influenced the Yin and the Yang within the primordial archetypal spiritual intelligence that orchestrates life. You know, the subtle vibrations of creative-intelligence emanating from the spiritual platform of the Planets in our solar system; planetary archetypal intelligence that physical life and its biology & chemistry has arisen and evolved out of. Spiritual archetypal intelligence that is sourced to other Cosmic intelligence that is responsible for the equilibrium of the changing seasons and a lot more besides. According to Alf anyway, but not all the laborotorium Scientists changing everything on the planet without Upstairs permission will agree with Alf…that’s for sure.

Q: What is this Cosmic spiritual intelligence you might ask?
A: The four Deities (well five in Alf’s book) of this physical planet`. You know, Earth, Air, Fire and Water and all that hard to believe metaphysical Jazz that Alf is spouting on about in his articles. Because that’s fairy stories, according to the learned Academics swotting away downstairs in their books & writing and not making any spelling mistakes. Along with drinking too much ‘caffe latte…well some anyway, and other downstairs knockers of Upstairs. That cannot except any reality exists outside of their own human created & lived one. ‘Cause we humans create reality and then live it you know. So its not a fairy story, says God. Because those deities of Nature are my spiritual intelligence within physical Creation –but most definitely not yours or the lobotomy scientists. Doing what they like with my animals and plants and all my wiggly’s & atoms on the planet, but without proper consultation with my Laws of Nature government creating ‘order out of chaos’ in Creation.

To continue:
The elders, who were very wise men in those ancient days, guided the wellbeing and happiness of their people with cosmic knowledge, i.e. eternal knowledge. The spiritual Laws of Nature knowledge…and most definitely not the laws of physics knowledge. You know, decimating the atom and altering physical genes and synthetically polluting this Planet to high heaven. Big klingnong trouble from this blind I-can-do-what-I-like science activity soon…according to Alf that is. Anyways, via Cosmic knowledge and special spiritual ceremony, mankind honoured that invisible spiritual intelligence of Creation. Plus, they also knew the exact time for planting, harvesting, thanksgiving and the appropriate ceremony to conduct on all auspicious occasions right throughout the year…and, in that spiritual ceremonial process, correctly honouring the blessings and providence of this beautiful Earth and Universe in its totality of interactive function. ‘Cause everyfing is connected to everyfing through the spiritual component of everyfing. You know, what underwrites physical matter?

Q: What everything you ask?
A: Yes, everyfing, but excluding Hollydud & Co, because they live in stretch limo I-love-me image created product la la land. Along with a few more big buck commercial prime-movers and shakers that create and power our current realities. Particularly within the minds of our vulnerable kids on this planet. Anyways, more about this saturated marketing klingnong matter at world court martial time from grumpy Alf –soon. He is busy at the moment, dishing it out to the top end of town writing the script for all our potty behaviour on this beautiful planet.

Coming back to the original plot:
If a child was born out of that physical union with the deities in human spiritual form, then the spiritual attributes of that deity would reside within the bloodline of that Royal family, i.e. spiritual family. Because the true definition of the word Royal, means spirituality or divinity. From which came the lineage of the Astrologers, the Wise men, the Healers (doctors) and the Psychics…but not Hollywood. Thus from divine karmic influence perpetuated genetically and astrologically, to guide, council and heal and direct the spiritual well-being of that ancient society in its on-going positive evolution to reach the real stars…and not our human created dissolvable ones. You know, that fill the Media created heavens and are on the karmic blink with their twink…according to Alf.

Anyways, as us dissolvable human beings possess a collective unconscious that has a karmic key signature within interactive spiritual Creation, so this knowledge spread around the world as similar forms of worship and expression…but not as entertainment. In fact just like the wheel, the pyramids and now Hollydude and Co. Because we are all invisibly connected by the Comic mind & its universal computer structuring the evolution of Creation and life. You know, the invisible spiritual one that underwrites evolution. That our human mind and its biological computer (called the brain), is a physical dissolvable creation and reflection of.

But that’s a load of Dr Who intergalactic twaddle with spelling mistakes, say all the academics & scientists…well some anyway and other downstairs knockers of anything they do not want understand. ‘Cause we have it on good authority from our famous books (written by us lot downstairs), that you & Alf are telling us a lot of porkies. But not so says Upstairs, I was around then when it was created, you weren’t.. So there, put that in your funny books and electronic gizmo’s and stop drinking ‘caffe latte and researching those dancing pole nightclubs downstairs. Plus, you’ve got the wrong books to boot or you are reading them upside down or somefing.

To continue:
The centuries passed…the deities headed back home for a well earned rest. They returned to heaven…spiritual heaven that is. But not in space ships, sorry about that revelation to all the lost in space science fiction junkies stranded up on Babble’on 5 on Prozac. No, they returned via their spiritual bodies when they had passed on from their physical one’s…and guess what, things went to pot again downstairs. Much human wrong doings saturated the spiritual atmosphere of this beautiful planet once again. The untalented people grew very unhappy, while the worshiped winners got lost in I-love-me in the mirror space. Like on the commercial television & in glossy product magazines and on the catwalk.

Anyways, the long and the short of it all, was that Nature was no longer revered, no longer acknowledged for her dignity…for her beauty…for her creativity. Spiritual decadence crept into the important primordial ego affairs of mankind and man became so insecure within his bonce…you know his head? that he began to denigrate the female in all aspects. She lost the right to choose her mate when the seeds of fertility flowed within her. She became a laughing stock. Crude jokes began to appear on trees. Crude remarks began to be shouted in the forests. Crude drawings turned up everywhere, from clever people in the local temples and taverns she copped the lot.

But no internet, television, video’s, or those other things…you know, glossy product magazines with boobs, bottoms, abs and whatnots in. At least I don’t think so, `cause they hadn’t heard of promo’s, commercial television, big bucks, spin-doctors, marketing geniuses, media moguls, catwalks and ego-preening in those far off days. We had to have progress and democracy first…from all the winners that got made into created products out of promo’s. But, youse try telling the top end of town this and you will really cop the cold shoulder and worse, get sent to writers Coventry for elocution and spelling lessons as payback for telling them they ‘got it wrong’ with their idea of progress.

Anyways, it came to be on this trashed planet, that woman was no longer revered for her creativity, her beauty, her tenderness, her lovingness, her softness, her intelligence, her everythingness…and they have never been the same since. For woman started to emulate man and go bungee jumping and acting as macho men on the adolescent blink and fighting wars and all that Hollybug movie invented trashing jazz. If youse can’t beat ‘em you might as well join ‘em, became the female war cry in Guverments and on the television and movies. We are not staying at home doing the ironing and changing nappies, we are going out to work in the market place and at dancing pole nightclubs to earn our own money and give the noisy kids to some other mug to look after. We are entitled to be macho men just like you lot …echoed down the corridors of female power in high scientific places and universities and glossy magazines. We’ll sort you’se out, because we’ve got the female brains, plus a lot more you haven’t…and guess what, man has never been the same since either.

What a big top end of town marketed product & promo created mix up, women as men and men as women and the kids stuck in the middle and lost in techno dude synthetic product & computer space forever. What a crazy world, I wonder if there is something wrong in our super progressive social system of do-what-you-like and when-you-like. `Cause I’ve got my rights and no one can tell me what to do…unless youse got big bucks and a stretched limo and can get me on the news, television, movies or in a glossy product magazine.

Time for me tea break and go to the loo.

Ripping Yarns part (2).

Anyways, to pick up from where we left off from Ripping Yarns (1). Plus, I’m not happy either. The Boss upstairs does not like being disturbed on trivial matters and, I got a right ear bashing for disturbing his tranquillity on minor inconsequential problems or somefing. Sorry, can’t remember or spell the long words.

Evidentilies, the Boss has sent someone down here to sort all the marketed product promo problems out, only he can’t be heard above all the rackets –no, racket going on down here. Anyways, youse all got to pay attention and stop making so much marketing product noise and living it up on this trashed Planet and go back to drinking tea for a change, so that Alf can do his boot camp job properly. Also, it takes a long time to see the Boss. So in future, its gotta to be something really important for me to be on the receiving end of his gout. It should be youse out of control café latte lot living the jet setting good life copping it, not me.

Well, the reason that the ancient manuscript that I was stuck on with its translation into proper good English (and American for the Pentagon) was so hard to decipher, is because I thought the problem had gone out the back door a few thousand years ago. Like all us learned men did –you know, fairy stories and Lucifer and all that House of Hollydude marketed scary jazz. But evidently, its Beelzebub inheritance keeps cropping up into human affairs every now and then from the karmic seeds of those who created it. You know, their lineage or laundry or somefing? Because we are all related to those who lived thousands of years ago –otherwise no one would be here on this planet now. At least I don’t think so…and no, I ain’t gonna ask the Boss again, me ears are still ringing from last time.

Anyways, its just like that Greek mythology thingo about Jason & the Hardnuts and those seeds that turn into monsters when youse plant them in the wrong place and don’t nurture them properly…like kids? Or, what quality of karmic influence we have sown with our thoughts & deeds down here, remains down here as perpetuated karmic influence in the spiritual workings of Nature. Eventually, we or future generations have to cop its returning karmic influence down the track of time. ‘Cause as human beings, what we sow is what we reap in the spiritual system that underwrites life. Plus, we share a collective conscious within the interactive workings of primordial Nature and its invisible creativity. So from another unseen level of life, its the spiritual primordial intelligence of Nature & its creativity, that returns all human karmic influence we create in its interactive quantum located spiritual workings to those that created it. Therefore, the lineage of those who created its ‘cause & effect’ karmic influence, only with big plus or minus karmic % on top.

So scientifically speaking, that fairy story about ‘as we sow so do we reap’ & ‘what goes around comes around’, is how the ‘Real System’ works and not a fairy story at all, but a hidden karmic fact of human life contained in our on-going evolution. Because even though we are very clever as a species and award ourselves gongs & big bucks for winning, conquering & knowing everyfing, we don’t understand how Upstairs, Nature or ourselves work and we can’t stop unstoppable evolution…only temporarily stuff it up. Anyways, that ego denting hard to understand fact, is what mankind and in particular universities, scientists, big business & politicians know nuffing about…or want to know about. ‘Cause they can’t see it or experiment on it or make big bucks out of it and that agro, gives them chronic indigestion to even think about it. So they don’t think about it and put it in the too hard basket and go back to doing their own thingo & having a good time after rejecting Alf‘s letters and shredding them.

Anyways, the inside & the outside of the shredded matter, is that we must all do the right thing when we are down here on the Planet, whether we like or not. Then, when we leave on our cosmic travels after we have popped off, we haven’t sown the wrong karmic seeds and mucked the downstairs system up for others to inherit its returning karmic influence. But, we don’t leave this planet in spaceships and flying saucers of course, ‘cause there just not reliable enough to reach heaven. Because they are synthetic and manufactured by us clever lot downstairs and subject to rust, decomposition and too much marketed techno warping in media hyper space, movies & comic books. Like from those loony science fiction writers on the blink with their creative twink. Who Alf says, are always stoned out on space junk and live in the land of the klingnongs. Plus, forever dreaming up weirdo stories for scientists, politicians & star trek fans to read at night instead of Alf‘s articles.

Anyways, if we do the right thing down here on the planet, then we don’t upset the primordial system of unstoppable evolution for others to cop its grotty returning karmic influence afterwards. Because that’s what’s happening right now, even as I write this cross-me-heart-and-hope-to-doie true story to youse from the Bronx. ‘Cause I’m unofficially over here at the moment to return a retranslated untranslatable Tablet to their Museum. That they sent to our Museum when they stopped drinking cups of tea ages ago and started importing mugs of café latte instead. No wonder they can’t translate tablets. Anyways, it’s a long story that happened a couple of centuries ago, but I will try and explain…over a cup of tea that is.

Well, it all started at the Boston Tea Party. Evidentilies, your big wigs had invited our big wigs for one of those official overseas dignitary scoffs. That they always have in high places to make sure everyone who’s not having a good time, knows that they are having a good time for them. But, it all went wrong and turned into a right punch-up & gunpowder kerpoffle, when our big wigs said to your big wigs, that they hadn’t paid the Tea Ladies Tax retrospectively since the last overseas dignitary scoff. Anyways, that hard nose declaration from our English big wigs, really upset your American big wigs constitution big time. `Cause they didn’t see why they should have to pay a tea tax in-between official scoffs, especially when they weren’t over in England to drink it. Quite right too, when youse think about it?

Anyways, your big wigs spat the political dummy over that unfair tea tax and stirred all the local Natives up and said by constitutional law, that everyone could carry blunderbusses and flintlocks to protect them from the overseas English Red Coat Tea Tax Collectors. Then your big wigs promptly dumped all the imported tea bags into the Boston Harbour and said to our big wigs, “tax that lot if you can”. Well, it was all very beneficial to the constitution of the fish swimming around in the Harbour…because they read tablets good now through drinking tea. But evidentilies, it wasn’t very beneficial to anyone else’s Constitution. Because they had a big war over it that emptied their Tax Coffers and both Nations went broke and had to go on the dole.

Anyways, its unproductive karmic influence has been floating around in Boston Harbour & the American System ever since. So that now, everyone carries guns and goes around shooting at things that go bump in the night and other human things they do not like. So officially, that’s what I’m over here to try and fix for Upstairs. Because its antiquated law has gone past the use by date in its worded Constitution and needs to be amended in the 21st century. Otherwise the American people will never get to heaven to collect their harp and that’s a shame, according to Upstairs. Because they mean well in their Constitution but, have got it wrong where those words progress & democracy are concerned. Just like a lot of other Nations in the World that don‘t understand themselves or Upstairs. They only think they do?

Well as I was saying before I got verbally shredded by the opposition. According to Upstairs, its time to settle the karmic books and start again downstairs. Not only with the Tea Ladies Tax, but also in Hollybug and Co and everywhere where they are stoned out on caffe latte & commercial television in this civilization. That now worships big bucks, winning & human beings called winners to acquire self-esteem. Evidentilies, the primordial spiritual system that underwrites physical life & its evolution, just can’t take anymore ‘got it wrong‘ human beings doing what they like with their creativity downstairs. Like in that ‘critical mass’ thingo that the scientists have created and are always talking about over cups of caffe latte and biscuits in their laborotoriums & underground atom bunkers…and just can’t stop talking about it, can’t help themselves. Even when they go on holidays with Mum and the Kids and Auntie Mabel to Afghanistan and Iraq or somefing.

No, they are always getting into trouble from Upstairs for all that funny science dude language they’ve invented to explain how the Universe works. Sorry, I got that wrong, how it don’t work I mean. At least not according to Alf, and he’s pretty knowledgeable about how the ‘Real System’ works. Not like in Hollydud, but that’s another potty story. So I’d better get on with this one, otherwise I will be getting into trouble again from all directions and not only from the big wigs in the British Museum, the White House, the Media Circus, Science Fiction Writers, the Book Club and Hollybug & Co.

Now coming back to what I was saying before I got interripted:

Every two thousand years…give or take a few science wobbles, the Solar System goes round one spititual cycle and somefing very nice happens. Them guess what…and I didn’t know this, every ten thousand years the Universe goes around too. To then and start again within the hapless happenings of human beings and especially the big wigs in the driving seat running it all. Anyways, according to Alf‘s tealeaves, it must be something to do with that fairy story about ‘what goes around comes around & what goes up must come down again…like karma. You know, that other fairy story that isn’t a fairy story in the ‘Real System’ upstairs, only in our human created systems downstairs.

Anyways, it’s all a bit above my head, but I will try and explain it again in scientific dude language this time, that I haven’t quite got the hang of yet. `Cause I can’t write articles without making spelling mistakes yet. Plus, I don’t drink caffe latte, watch commercial television or read glossy magazines and science fiction books at night or in the loo. Evidentilies, the unknown Upstairs fact of the karmic matter, is that all influence created by the human being, is returned to the human being –sooner or later. If youse don’t cop it personally, because you are not on terra-firma anymore (down here on the planet?) then those you have left behind cop it. You know, the family tree and all that. Its perpetuated karmic influence is also contained in our genes. So its really two channels of influence that we have to cop from our ancestors. One is in our bloodline and the other is ‘written in the stars’…so to speak.

Because it is the interactive spiritual based influence of our solar system and its planets, that is also the primordial archetypal intelligence of our physical minds and bodies and personalities. You know, it manifests as our biology, genes & chemistry and all that hard to understand scientific stuff. Because according to the book of Alf, life has gotta have come from somewhere, ‘cause nuffing comes from nuffing. That means whether we like to admit it or not, there must be somefing greater and more intelligent than us dissolvable human beings that created everyfing and of course, that‘s where the word God comes into human affairs to explain its paradox through Religion and its human written books.

Because when youse think about that statement of ‘nuffing comes from nuffing’ and work it out, logic says that everyfing down here and in the Universe must have come from somewhere or somefing to be here in the first place. Otherwise there wouldn’t be anyfing anywhere or any place and nuffing would exist to experiment on and re-arrange in those science laborotoriums. But youse try telling the scientists and other clever people that nuffing comes from nuffing, and they will send you to elocution & spelling lessons as well the funny farm for thought rehabilitation. Because in questioning the activity of Science and talking about spirituality & God, you’ve obviously lost your marbles and become a bad influence on Society called a nutcase by some and a science heretic by others.

In fact just like in the Middle Ages, when the then resident Pope in Rome blew his top and confiscated all the telescopes & science fiction books in the world. Because some nutcases called scientists, had been peering into them and telling the people that our Earth wasn’t the centre of the Universe and that it was sort of round, like an orange. When of course, everyone in the Vatican and in the bottom end of town knew that it is was flat and that you would fall off it if you went for a long walk with the dog. Anyways, for telling big porkies to the people, they got branded a heretic by the Pope and roasted over the coals and sent to science purgatory. Anyways, in this century, its Alf’s turn to be a heretic and get roasted by the scientists and not the Pope for telling big porkies to the people. At least that’s what tea lady at the British Museum where I work reckons…and I don’t argue with the tea lady about anyfing. Because she controls the biscuits as well as the tea trolley.

So according to the heretic book of Alf, its from another spiritual dimension of Creation that the primordial archetypal intelligence of Nature materializes to structure our physical bodies & evolution. As well as containing all our human created karmic influence too in its spiritual domain that underwrites Life, our Universe, our Planets and their solar cycles, but not in push-bikes. `Cause they haven’t got them Upstairs yet, only space junk from Nasta and the Pentagon and plastic bottles, tins and fast food wrappers from you know who? (not allowed to advertise on official business).

But, youse try telling the Scientists that and they will lock you up…or worse still, experiment on you with a blindfold on and re-arrange you in those laborotoriums to see what makes you tick funny. Like they do with everything else that walks, talks, moves or wriggles on this living planet. Well on second thoughts, not all Scientists. Some are very nice people indeed and talk the talk and know what is up and what is down. If youse get my negative/positive human creativity drift in those laborotoriums, underground atom bunkers, the script writing brigade, the book club & commercial television.

Anyways, if you want to avoid men in white coats carting you away to the funny farm, best to keep this new heretical information top secret for the time being. Until the good scientists…the positive nice ones that don‘t mind my rotten spelling, gain control of things down here once more and start pressing the right and not the wrong buttons in Science. Because some of the ‘got it wrong’ ones, that look like butter wouldn’t melt in their mouths and can talk the hind-leg off a donkey and work for the multi-nationals, are really cuckoo and on power pills and way out of order with their brilliant scientific intelligence. That means they are also way out of order and lost in techno, gm & Dr Strangelove space with what they are synthetically creating out of their superior intelligence and flogging it to us marketed product mugs.

Plus, all they have to say is those magic words Progress, Science, Big Bucks, The Economy, Nobel and New Frontier’s to conquer with genome technology, animals, wigglies, the atom and outer space. Along with that other clincher of an argument from the politicians, to save Mankind from its own created problems and get re-elected again by a grateful public. So that Guverments just cave into those super brilliant ideas from incomplete Science and cough up the readies for them to do what they like in their laborotoriums, underground atom trashing bunkers & science fiction books.

In fact, just like Guverments give the official greed nod to Big Bizo and the global Piggy Banks to own the World and gobble it up from out of Multi-national Corporations and all their got-it-in-the-bag I’m-alright jump-in-jack affluent global shareholders. All living the jet setting money making stocks & shares good life at the expense of the planet and us marketed product brainwashed mugs…and that’s really weirdo when youse think about it. `Cause we let ‘em do it and say thank you very much afterwards and can I have some more please sir.

Along with allowing obsessive corporate global expansion, takeovers, monopolization and the control of Nation’s economies and lots of other out of control big buck activity. All being justified in the name of progress, democracy, free enterprise and affluence on a level playing field they have made, not us. Because we ain’t allowed on it, not even to bring the tea and biscuits to boardroom where it all happens. `Cause they even made the tea lady profession redundant to make more money for their shareholders, who only drink café latte on walkways and pavements.

What a ‘orrible unfair corporate & media & marketing genius created product mess indeed. In fact it’s full of Darth’s brownie points and unmenchinable things that go bump in the night in the boardroom, as well on commercial television. According to Alf that is, who only drinks tea and doesn’t read glossy magazines or science fiction books or go dancing with the stars on commercial television or at those dancing pole nightclubs. But no one else see’s it Alf’s way of course, `cause they are all stoned out on corporate magic mushrooms and into big bucks, gizmo products and celebrity worshiping mania, as well as cooking programs & caffeine overdose.

Evidentlies, we are all watching too much commercial television and crappy days of our product prozact out lives and other T.V. Soapies, Reality Shows, Boobs & Abs Programs, Hollydud & Co and Question Time In The House. At least that’s what Alf and the Tea Lady reckon and Alf’s usually right about the shenanigans of the stars and the politicians and their closet wheelie dealie doings…and, he don’t get it out of human whatnot impregnated I-love-me glossy magazines and its look how successful, brilliant and beautiful I am marketing genius promo spiel either. No, he uses them for mulching in his garden and in another place we all use everyday…for economy purposes that is.

Anyways, coming back to what I was saying before about the Devil and all that spooky jazz that no one believes in anymore. Evidentlies, there’s these bad dudes downstairs (you know, the opposition to Upstairs) and these powerful dudes are jetting around doing their own karmic inherited do-what-you-like thingo…and its their ancestors, who created that grotty karmic influence of megalomania, greed & worshiping human beings called winners in the first place…that’s why they are stuck with doing it in this life. ‘Cause scientifically speaking, its karmic influence is passed on from one generation to another in their gene line. You know, their ancestral inheritance and all that. That’s why its influence is still in the system of some ‘got it wrong’ human beings on this planet and what Alf calls the Faust enigma. You know, forever doing wheelie dealies with the opposition to Upstairs to get what they want in life downstairs and have a good time at Fred‘s Casino and those dancing pole nightclubs.

Anyways, recently the bad dudes have been trying to get their Boss back by doing a load of chanting and geriatric theatricals and dressing up as fruitloops, but not in Hoollyrude of course. No, they just dress-down instead, like in the movies and video’s and glossy magazines full of created products and the body beautiful. Evidentlies, they make more money by having no clothes on when there doing their marketed promo thingo down here –you know, showing off their abs and boobs & whatnots and singing, acting and chanting nursery rhymes and clapping each other afterwards…like in adult pantomimes and all that. In fact just like at Oscar’s Place, where they even collect statues for doing it with no clothes on…after hours that is.

Evidentlies, its all to do with having a karmic screw loose and doing what you like and how you like and calling it entertainment, celebrity, stardom, fame and artistic freedom of expression. Sort of like being in kindergarten as a kid only worse. No, they just haven’t grown up yet and learnt how to act socially responsible and with dignity in a Society. At least that’s what Upstairs says…and they should know, ‘cause they made ‘em. But not anymore, Upstairs has had enough of them doing their own ego preening cat walk thingo downstairs and calling it progress, success and being a winner. Plus, getting paid millions of bucks for stuffing everything positive up on the planet with their karmic influence. Just like a lot of other people at the moment in entreprenudial big global corporate bizo.

Well, as I was saying before I got carried away with me verbals. What’s really got up the noses of these powerful bad dudes lately, is that they’ve just found out that our Boss has beat ‘em to it –he’s already here. In fact just like Dr Who and the Tardis on the BBC, he’s been here for ages. Which means of course, that they just can’t win at playing gods & goddesses or dialeks & klingnongs anymore, like their used to doing all the time. No, they muffed it good and proper last year at their annual picnic day from all their weirdo chanting and Hollybug antics of worshiping statues, each other, marketed products, the body beautiful and its whatnots.

Anyways, according to the Delphi Oracle and not Alf this time, its down the cosmic tubes they all go in the finger pointing departure lounge. Unless they get their ‘got it wrong’ Darth act together and grow up instead of down –honest. Because according to Alf, its like winning a family race. ‘Cause the elder son, is always going to beat his younger brothers and sisters to the finishing line. Simply because he’s been around much longer and he knows how the Upstairs brownie point system works, i.e. first come first served and I’m Dad’s favourite in the finger pointing departure lounge.

So from now on, all that selfish klingnong do-what-you-like activity for the Media worshiped few, has got to change. So that everyone can pass the finish line together all grown up…assuming they want too? Then everyone can get a pat on the back and a gong for being successful and happy with their lot on this shared Planet –and not just the gifted, privileged and wealthy and so-called successful. All living the human created good life on extra serotonin from being worshiped by the Media and from telling others what to do and how to do it to be called successful and a winner in life. Because Alf reckons they are not winners Upstairs, only downstairs. Where it don’t count in the departure lounge when we trash everything and go around worshiping ourselves & big bucks to acquire self-esteem.

So according to Upstairs, that ‘orrible got it wrong human created system downstairs and its human created reality has got to change if we want to get to heaven. Because that ‘got it wrong’ system of inequality and greed and I’m alright jack and the manipulation and exploitation of those who are weaker and born less fortunate, are in for the high jump. You know, straight out of Creation in the departure lounge with no return ticket and all that hard cheese jazz.

Anyways, coming back to the fairy story…as some might say.

The eldest son is always in charge of Family matters whenever Dad’s gone away on big bizo, after he reaches twenty one that is. It evidently has something to do with the natural functioning of the spiritual Laws of Nature and, not many people realize these spiritual Laws or have intuitive access to them anymore in their commercial product & marketing genius brainwashed brainbox. No, they are far to busy doing their own product thingo downstairs and having a jolly good time at Fred’s gambling casino in the desert, or was it bad time? (dunno, can’t remember) to realize God’s intelligence within Creation. For that’s what the Laws of Nature are in their spiritual manifestation within the human mind. To prevents us from going off the rails and into product & human worshiping la la land, like we are now.

In fact all of life-intelligence functions through those spiritual self-referral Laws of Nature. The animals are in tune with them through instinct, therefore positive progress for them within evolution is automatic. We unfortunately, are out of tune with them, because we have the human power to ignore those intuitive spiritual Natural Laws and their ‘order out of chaos’ function in our brain. Especially when we become lost in making big bucks and worshiping products, winners and celebrities to acquire self-esteem. Because its those spiritual Laws of Nature, that should compliment the human mind and its creativity to function and live in perfect harmony with everything in Creation. Not treat it like a kids meccano game and lego from all its bits & pieces and wigglies and calling it progress and technological innovation and conquering new fronteirs. What a science created synthetic toxic stuff-up it all is, according to the articles of Alf that is. Because evidentlies, we are polluting everything and gobbling up the planet’s irreplaceable resources in that so-called progress for mankind…and that’s very weirdo. According to the book of Alf and the tea lady at the British Museum where I work translating too hard to translate Assyrian Tablets.

Which brings us back to some of those fruitloop big wig Scientists again, who are not in Upstairs good books one little bit. Simply because they are always experimenting on everything willy-nilly and swapping bits and pieces and parts around to see what happens afterwards. You know, like in Frankenstein and the Island of Dr Moreou or Professor Morriarti or somefing…sorry can’t spell names. Then patting themselves on the back and collecting gongs because they THINK they’ve passed the finish line and can get the Media trumpets out to blast us all with its techno dude information. When of course they haven’t. No, the Boss says they haven’t got a clue –but are very good at convincing us lot that they know everything, because they are clever. Or was it not so clever, dunno can’t remember all the words now.

Anyways, the long and the shredded of it, is that Upstairs wants all those Scientist’s that are experimenting ad hoc with other life-intelligence and the atom and doing what they like with anything and everything, to “down tools” until we have reached the end of Alf’s talking journey. If they do not listen and understand a different reality than theirs, then they are in for the high jump good and proper. You know, down the cosmic tubes in the departure lounge with their spiritual evolution. We must all understand, that we cannot do just what we like on this delicate biological living planet with our human intelligence & creativity. No, wisdom, ethics, foresight, humility, empathy and understanding ourselves & Nature must come into it too, and those spiritual acquired qualities are currently missing in our material consumed Civilization. In Nature’s dictionary, it is called acquiring maturity of consciousness and the consideration of Creation as a very intelligent interacting system of invisible archetypal spiritual intelligence –yet very delicate & vulnerable to the wrong doings of human beings.

Anyways, we all live on this shared Planet, not just those in incomplete Science. `Cause once they create something in their synthetic laborotoriums and put it into the system of life, we are all influenced by it –for good or for bad…and, it is mostly bad at the moment in the form of synthetic toxic pollution for those who come after us. Upstairs reckons we are blind with our scientific twiddling with the atom and experimenting on life & re-arranging everything in Creation. Because this synthetic polluting activity, is unknowingly destroying the means for life to exist on this living evolving planet. So we have to understand where life comes from and the intelligence that created it, before continuing any more of that so-called scientific progress for mankind. Otherwise, according to Alf and his tealeaves, its pop goes the weasel and good night Mr Chips for our species down the track of time.

Anyways, I’ve gotta go now and book a urgent ticket with Upstairs to get home quick. `Cause I’ve just been summonsed by the British Museum big wigs on me intergalactic cell phone, to get myself back in the office to explain what I’m doing over here with their Tablets in the opposition’s Museum. Anyways, I’ve asked Alf to post this at www Articlesbase in his articles, ‘cause I aint got an article account their with my rotten spelling. And I’ll go and post some other translations of the Celestine Pothole manuscripts on notice boards in the bottom end of town…then youse can all start working it out. Then after I’ve had a cup of tea and sorted out that tea ladies tax problem, I‘ll be back with some important leaflets explaining how to get to heaven by understanding how the ‘Real System’ works and practising correct meditation.

Kind regards – Stephen Gripes on behalf of Upstairs.

p.s. Just got home.

I forgot to mention, that Upstairs says if we keep worshiping I-love-me Hollybug & Co and Oscar’s, days of our got it wrong lives and other TV lost in la la land soapies, celebrities, winners and human created products from the commercial media circus, along with the loony tunes advertising/marketing and talk the hind-leg of a donkey brigades on the equally product brain damaged commercial television, then we will not go to heaven…but the opposition. `Cause he’s got gout…the Boss that is. He reckons us noisy product worshiping adults down here have given it to him. So we will have to see him first if we keep on that Media created funny farm path of worshiping other human beings for their looks and talents and abs and whatnots and its top end of town directed ‘Simon Says’ do this to acquire self-esteem.

p.p.s. The Boss reckons that immature hollydude hype and its psychological manipulation from clever human beings does not belong in Heaven. So it should not belong on this beautiful Earth and especially when we turn twenty one. So all those lost in its I-love-me look-how-successful and beautiful-I-am ego preening product space, have got to grow up and learn to respect the Planet and Nature and other not born fortunate human beings doing it hard in the stalls. Anyways, more about this Hollybug human worshiping klingnong matter from grumpy Alf soon, `Cause its nuffing to do with me. I only translate too hard to translate tablets, like this one. Anyways, I’m going for me tea break before the big wigs in the office upstairs scoff all the biscuits again, like that lot upstairs at the BBC, but that’s another story.


Nearly forgot. Upstairs also says to all those perpetuating garbage creativity on this beautiful Planet that we all share, here’s a capital letter sticker for the stretched limo bumper bar. Especially in Hollybug, Big Global Corporate Bizo, the Piggy Banks and in other wheelie dealie big buck commercial places in the top end of town.

Updated downstairs quote:


So I reckon that bloke Shakespeare the Bard got it right in one of his famous plays about ‘got it wrong’ powerful human beings on the blink with their ancestral inheritance…what do youse think? Youse can answer that question here at Articlebase if youse want to. But only for a little while, cause I’m going on me archaeological digging holidays soon and don’t know when I’ll be back. Its up to the Boss, because he’s got the annual leave dates, I haven’t.

Source by Alf